So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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