I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
