You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
