We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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