I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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