I must be too annoying 4 u.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
