no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
