Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
