So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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