You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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