a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
