I wannas sexs uuuuu
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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