Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
