I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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