i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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