Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
