Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
