His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
