can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
