Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
