I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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