Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
