I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
All the doctor said was why
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
