So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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