all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
