does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
