I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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