Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
