wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
