I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
being pregnant is like rehab
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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