I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
