why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
