I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
