Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
