i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I met the friendliest cop last night
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
