peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
