Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
