anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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