i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I understand Curling. That high.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
