You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
