i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
