somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
