Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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