somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
