Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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