dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
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I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
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Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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