I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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