My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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