So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
