Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize