The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
