I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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