Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
