i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
