Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
