i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
