Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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