bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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