I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Green mimosas i think yes
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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