I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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