I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
