That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
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Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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