It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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