i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
