Taylor Swift is so right about you.
should my penis look like a turkey
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
