Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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