i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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