she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
