Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
