Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
