Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
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I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
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The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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