: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
