I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize